Michael Hoerger What is Love? Introduction Work and love, thats all there is Freud
Finding love is a key developmental event in early adulthood Psychologists and the public use the word love, so it must have some meaning Todays lecture is intended to challenge your preconceptions and help you to establish a working definition of love Monogamy Only 5% of species, those where both
parents needed for childs survival Pair-bonding: having an emotional attachment to another Oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine release during sex; feels addicting Good feelings associated with partner (classical conditioning) Tells you Gee sex with this person feels great rather than just Geez sex feels
great Montane vole Pair-bond vs. Prairie vole No pair-bond Sternbergs Triangular Theory 1.
2. 3. Love is multifaceted, with up to 3 central components Passion: intense longing for another person Intimacy: feeling connected, enjoying ones company and support Commitment: obligations and responsibilities to one another
Pecks Criticisms of Love Falling in love (passion) love Excitement related to new, attractive person We fall in love when we are consciously or
unconsciously sexually motivated The honeymoon always ends Dependency love I need him or Id die without her What you describe is parasitism, not love Love is based on choice, not necessity Love a feeling
Love is an action, characterized by treating someone well Having strong feelings that someone is important or needed doesnt mean you love them Myth of Romantic love
Story that two people are meant to be, that it is predetermined in the stars If it doesnt end up working out, people say it wasnt true love after all (hindsight bias) Realistically, there are many suitable partners Love is An action, not a feeling
Attention A risk of rejection Independence, not dependence Commitment Self-disciplined hard work Happy Couples
Partners know each others hopes, quirks, likes, dislikes Secret Weapon: ritualized repair attempts to prevent increased negativity Shared, deep sense of meaning 5 : 1 ratio Unhappy Couples Arguments characterized by Harsh setup: negative and
accusatory 4 types of negative interactions: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling Flooding Stonewalling Failed repair attempts Bad memories Love Quotes I define love thus: The will to extend ones self for the purpose of nurturing ones own or anothers spiritual growth - M. Scott Peck Love is the subtlest force in the world - Mahatma Gandhi
By accident of fortune a man may rule the world for a time, but by virtue of love he may rule the world forever - Lao-tzu Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend - Martin Luther King Jr. Its a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous, that you realize just how much you love them - Agatha Christie One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you dont come home at night
- Margaret Mead Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own - Robert Heinlein Whoso loves Believes the impossible - Elizabeth Barrett Browning Love doesnt have to feel dizzying - Michael Levine Love is something like the clouds that were in the sky before the sun came out. You cannot touch the clouds, you know; but you feel the rain and know how glad the flowers and the thirsty earth are to have it after a hot day. You cannot touch love either; but you feel the
sweetness that it pours into everything - Annie Sullivan Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh - W. H. Auden Sympathy constitutes friendship; but in love there is a sort of antipathy, or opposing passion. Each strives to be the other, and both together make up one whole - Samuel Taylor Coleridge True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal Love talked about can be easily turned aside, but love demonstrated is irresistible - W. Stanley Mooneyham Michael Hoerger To cite this lecture: Hoerger, M. (2007, March 28). What is Love? Presented at a PSY 220 lecture at Central Michigan University.
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